Hello visitors and welcome to my blog! 
I’m Violet Hilton (as you could probably tell from the site name!), author of predominantely gay romance, urban fantasy and zombie tales. And not to be confused with the famous conjoined twin 
Today’s blog post is in honor and observance of the International Day Against Homophobia. I realize that most of you who have joined this blog hop as either contributors or visitors are already aware of homophobia and the bullying it can and does cause. My hope with this post is that it will both help those who are already aware to add a little more weight and thought to how you help stand against homophobia, and also for this post to sit here in the internet ether for people who aren’t as aware to stumble upon.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a very wise person, so what I have to say probably won’t be profound by any means, but I hope it helps at least one person, even in a small way. ♥
About Fear
To quote Dune, one of my favorite books:
“Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.”
Homophobia is like any other irrational fear in that it makes people experiencing it react without thinking. Same sex relationships, love and intercourse are still a huge unknown to a lot of people who are either closed-minded or ignorant, which I think contributes largely to the continuing prevalence of this fear. Humans tend to be afraid of what they don’t know. If you’re afraid you usually flee or fight, but you don’t take the rational route to try to understand and learn about this mysterious thing that’s scaring the crap out of you.
I’m not saying being afraid is an excuse for treating other people horribly – no. But at its core, fear, phobia, is the cause.
Helping Others Deal with Homophobia
It can be difficult to remember that the person tossing out angry slurs is still, yes, a person with feelings. And it’s likely the homophobic person has forgot that the gay (or lesbian, bisexual or trans) person they’re acting out against is also a human being. If you want to help open someone’s eyes to how their homophobia is harmful and baseless, you could start by reminding them that gay people are people too. They have feelings, families, friends, loves and lives just like everyone else. They just happen to be attracted to people of their own gender.
If you can open the lines of communication and have an actual discussion with a homophobic person, then you can also ask the person why they’re so bothered by and afraid of homosexuality. Listen to them and see if they are interested in abating their fear.
Some people really dislike certain sex acts, and that’s perfectly fine. Not everyone is turned on or off by the same things. This adds spice and variety to life. But it can also make people react rather viscerally regarding anything that strongly rubs them in the off direction.
Most people are comfortable with the idea of love and romance on some level, which can be easier to focus on in a discussion than the lust or sex aspect. Yes, sex is a large part of homosexuality, just like it’s a large part of heterosexuality or any other sexuality. But that’s not all there is to being gay. Love is a big deal for humans mentally, emotionally, culturally and even spiritually. I think romantic love is a freedom that is very easy for heterosexual people (or even non-heterosexual people in heterosexual relationships) to take for granted. But it’s something everyone is entitled to. Being loved and loving shouldn’t be reviled or regulated. Love is a basic human right.
Choosing Your Battles
But it’s important, too, to recognize when someone is so gripped by their fear that they could become violent. Yes, it’s important to take a stand in any way you can, but don’t purposefully put yourself in harm’s way. It’s sad but true that some people don’t want to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, let alone change.
Religious views can also be a serious barrier in helping to open minds and hearts. Many people (I live in the South, and this is a particularly hefty issue here) will not change their perceptions of the tenets of their religion, no matter how valid an alternate interpretation or viewpoint may be.
It can also be difficult to deal with family, coworkers and close friends who are homophobic. I deal with this a lot, and unfortunately I know it’s just best to “let sleeping dogs lie” in some situations and with certain people.
That being said, I try to be as open as possible with everyone I can, especially when meeting new people. I’m a bisexual woman in a heterosexual monogamous relationship who primarily writes and reads gay male romantic and erotic fiction. I’m not ashamed of appreciating love and sexuality in its many forms, and neither should anyone else!
Full disclosure: I’m not a person without phobias, but I’ve mostly worked through my myrmecophobia (fear of ants) and nyctophobia (fear of the dark). The omphalophobia (no laughing – I’m terrified of bellybuttons), however, seems to be here to stay, though it’s not as bad as it used to be.
A Giveaway!
As a thanks for stopping by today, I’m going to be holding a little drawing The prize will be a copy of my ebook Rogue Wolf, a gay romance space opera in which two space pirates fall in love while on the run.
To be eligible for the drawing you must be 18 or older. All you have to do is comment on this post with one (or both if you’re feeling as verbose as I have been!) of the following:
- a way you have started an open discussion about homophobia that had positive results
- a phobia of yours and one way you’ve tried to overcome it
After the hop is over (I’m calling it midnight EST on May 20th for my blog), I’ll use a random number generator to select a winner and notify them by email and a new post. Just be sure to include your email address when leaving a comment (it should be mandatory on the comment form and shouldn’t be visible to the public). Only one comment per person will count toward the drawing.
p.s. if your comment doesn’t show up right away, don’t panic! I get a lot of spam, so moderate the comment queue manually :B
